Angie recoils in embarrassing date fail
The Bachelorette's Angie is so mortified by her clinger's embarrassing date fail that her body involuntarily physically recoils as she suffers through the moment.
It says a lot. A lot of embarrassment has been hurled her way on this show and she hasn't flinched. Not even when, in the opening scenes of Thursday night, we open to these harrowing scenes.
Angie's reaction is similar to Phoebe's when she saw Monica and Chandler having sex through Ross's window.
Once Angie dunks her head in a vat of Visine, she embarks on a date with Timmmmm. Look, Timmm is lovely and sweet and we all think he's adorable because he talks in a baby voice - a trait we'd otherwise find exasperating if 99 per cent of the other guys in the mansion weren't complete losers with nothing to offer.
Angie's clearly into it.
"Diggin' it … vibe … diggity … viiiiiibe … vibin' … dig dog," Angie repeats with slight variation throughout the date.
We roll our eyes and head back to the mansion to find the naked General Pants 2IC but he's nowhere to be seen. Boo. Skipping out to the patio to join the cocktail party, we shriek when we're confronted by someone's weird aunt.
It's about now Angie starts having a chat with that new dog guy from Instagram and Jamie starts freaking out again because … he's Jamie.
"I wouldn't mind going and sitting over there with Angie AND Ryan," he huffs to the boys.
Oh my goodness. If he does this, he will look like a complete idiot. It would be humiliating.
Everyone knows this is a bad idea and we all know for sure it will only end badly for Jamie. Do we warn him of the mistake he's about to make?
"You should totally do it," we beam at him while sipping from our tacky red champagne glasses.
Jamie begins trudging through the backyard and suddenly appears behind Angie and that dog guy as they're sharing an intimate moment. As they whisper and giggle to each other, they notice a shadow forming above them. They're no longer alone.
"Guys, this is gonna sound like a bit of a curveball. I actually wanna sit in with both of you," Jamie stutters as he towers over the pair.
Angie and that dog guy pause and squint as they attempt to understand Jamie's request to crash their private date. Angie doesn't even try tolerating Jamie tonight.
"Sounds a bit creepy," she snips.
"Is … is. is that a little bit creepy?" he stumbles.
This is awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. He should just slowly back away.
"I just wanna … kinda explore, like, some things about Yvie?" Jamie adds, bringing up Angie's best mate from Gogglebox who infiltrated the mansion earlier in show. FYI, Yvie's the one who's single-handedly responsible for that General Pants 2IC getting naked.
Anyway, Jamie is worried that Yvie didn't like him. Look, it's not that she didn't like him, the issue is more that she would not even be able to pick him out of a line-up.
"I know what she thinks of you and what you think of her and it was really important for me to touch base with her and I didn't get to do that. Like, I was quite upset," he stammers.
Angie and Ryan stare at Jamie. Jamie stares at Angie. Angie gets freaked out and breaks eye contact with Jamie to stare at Ryan. Ryan, for a split second, looks into the camera out of awkwardness.
Ryan tells Jamie he's making everyone uncomfortable and Jamie runs off to cry again.
"That was a good chat. I think it shows Angie that I care about her," Jamie tells the boys and … sure.
Suddenly, Timmmm's jumped the queue and drags Angie away for some private time - which is a direct violation of the rules he established last night as part of the boys' club.
"I needed to talk to you tonight to say thank you for today and I think I pushed in on a few boys that were waiting but I thought, if you wanna talk to her, you f**king talk to her," he mumbles.
It's a clear violation but we're not going to rouse on Timmmmmm for interrupting private chats because we firmly believe that rules are for losers. But if that crybaby weirdo Jamie pushed in on the queue, we'd get up in arms and label him a clinger. Double standards are wonderful as long as you come out on top.
"I froth ya," Timmm murmurs and leans in to kiss Angie. She grabs onto his braids to steady herself.
Angie's so giddy from kissing the guy with the braids she forgets she has a rose ceremony to conduct. Two of the below guys are sent home. Which two? We don't care. It's not like any of them are going to win this thing.