Give yourself permission- Easy to say, hard to do?
GIVING yourself permission: This is a topic that has come up a lot, not just for my clients but also for me at various times. But what do I mean by "permission"?
Put simply, it's allowing your "self" to do, be and have what you truly desire. Easy to say, hard to do? There are certainly things that can get in the way. Sometimes we've forgotten or just don't know what we want. Of course, our beliefs and personality traits have a part to play too.
We may believe that others will judge us as being lazy, selfish, a poor parent or an absent partner if we do, or that what we truly want is just not possible for whatever reason. Where have these beliefs come from? They are a reflection of what has been demonstrated at certain times in our life and shaped how we may have judged or been judged by others.
If you know you struggle with giving yourself permission and see-saw between feeling guilty when you do and resentful when you don't, then consider where that self-judgment may come from and its impact.
Do you do everything you need to do before doing what you want to, often putting others before yourself? Do you have to get everything just right (or dare I say perfect) before you can relax? How often does that happen?
Maybe you feel you don't deserve to do what you love, be happy or have something you've always wanted. Perhaps someone told you once that you didn't deserve something and you now believe it to be true. Sometimes we look to others to give us permission (our partner, our boss, our friend), just as we did as a child waiting for someone to tell us it was okay.
What are you really waiting for? To feel like you're worth it? To be told you deserve it? For someone else to give you permission? It's not someone else's responsibility to make you happy or give you permission; you have to do that for yourself.
Yesterday has gone. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and could be very different to today. So give yourself a break and make yourself a promise to do, be or have something today that will make you happy, however small and seemingly insignificant it may seem. Notice any self-talk that comes up with fears, doubts, beliefs or excuses as to why you shouldn't and let them go. Make today the day you do something differently.
What will you choose?
Rowena Hardy is a facilitator performance coach and partner of Minds Aligned: http://www.mindsaligned.com.au.