Supplied Editorial Sad Meghan Markle - Getty Images
Supplied Editorial Sad Meghan Markle - Getty Images

Is this the solution to Meghan Markle’s PR problems?

DEAR Meghan,

I've got great news.

After the private jet scandal of last week, you're probably feeling a little pressure.

But I've got two words that will help: Kate. Middleton.

You see, your sister-in-law is also the very solution to the problem she once created.

Now, it's important for you to know that none of this is your fault. You could catch as many jets, refuse to see as many US Presidents, spend as many millions of pounds renovating your home, have a christening involving just you, Haz, and Archie … and get away with it, if it weren't for that pesky woman married to the second in line to the throne.

You see, Kate is like the annoying, over-achieving older sister of the family; the child who arrived first, who exceeds expectations and sets a standard impossible to replicate by anyone else.

Kate is impressive. She's beyond reproach. She's God damn perfection and universally adored because she's exactly what the public wants; a perfect English rose, inside and out.

And she's the thorn in your side.

Don’t worry Meghan, I’ve found the solution to your problems. Picture: Getty Images
Don’t worry Meghan, I’ve found the solution to your problems. Picture: Getty Images

You, my dear, are a dazzling Hollywood A-lister, effortlessly glamorous and constantly glowing; but, to the Brits, you stand out because you're 'exotic', aka, different.

Which could be wonderful, but unfortunately you're just a little too different for your new country.

Kate is everything royalists want her to be; charming, a dutiful wife and mother who executes her royal duties with aplomb, and, most importantly, never demonstrates an iota of her own opinion on anything.

As a royal, you're there to be idolised and put on a pedestal. Being a vegan and outspoken feminist just isn't palatable to enough people.

RELATED: What the hell are Meghan and Harry playing at?

Yes, you're allowed dedicate your time to charity, indeed it's your royal duty to do so. But this is to be done by attending humble and extremely worthwhile events at schools and hospitals, as Kate does; not by selecting 15 women to present to an international audience on a Vogue cover, so we can learn about how they're changing the world. That's simply not how's it's done; and it's definitely not something Kate would do.

So, my dear Meghan, if you could just change yourself into someone you're not, it would make things so much easier on yourself, and for everyone else, as well.

Harry - who, no doubt, is bemused by the world's reaction to his highly accomplished humanitarian wife - loves you and knows that you didn't just marry him, he married you, too. He doesn't seem to be caught up in the antiquated notion of the obedient wife who sacrifices everything in support of her husband.

RELATED: Take a bow, Kate Middleton. You're finally fit to be Queen

You'd think the world would recognise and support that in 2019, but astoundingly, it's a double-standard that doesn't apply when it comes to royalty.

In any case, Harry will stand by you like a gentleman, remaining calm and princely in the eye of the storm. We're not worried about him.

We're not even concerned about the Queen, who's having enough trouble with Prince Andrew's nefarious friendships without the added drama of who you follow on Instagram.

No, we're more worried about the effect your behaviour has on Piers Morgan.

Can you imagine how comfortable you’d have to be in your position to wear shorts in public? Picture: Matrix Pictures
Can you imagine how comfortable you’d have to be in your position to wear shorts in public? Picture: Matrix Pictures

The British media identity has been forced to dedicate an increasingly significant amount of time on you, telling his audience that you should "Go back to America".

Do you think Morgan enjoys the attention he gets when you put him in a position where he must defend all that is good against your evil? I should think not.

I'm sure that weighs on your conscience, too.

So, please Meghan, for everyone's sake, consider my advice, and be more like Kate.

Wear your hair in a bouncy cascade, put on some sensible but stylish wedges and post more photos of your beautiful family for your subjects to enjoy in acknowledgment of why you had them in the first place.

RELATED: Of course Meghan and Kate aren't besties. Why would they be?

After a while, you'll be so firmly lodged in the hearts of the British public and Piers Morgan you'll be able to get away with anything.

Last month, for example, Kate wore shorts in public when she was sailing. Imagine that Imagine being confident enough in the public's love for you that you can break royal protocol and wear shorts.

That freedom can be yours, too, Meghan. But you simply have to try harder to not be you.


A Concerned Friend